Toe to Toe with my Enemy

Several months ago I abruptly left a public gathering of Believers in an emotional tizzy.  Several people inquired as to my spontaneous exit.  Here was my response to them.  I've added some new insights the Lord has taught me more recently.  I hope it is of encouragement to you.

Bottom line: The Enemy and I were already toe to toe last night before I even arrived at choir rehearsal and by the time I had heard all the wonderful praise reports and encouragement from others the devil and I were wrestling fiercely. As we started to sing his fiery darts were coming at machine gun pace and they were painful, viscous, pointed and aimed right at my most vulnerable places and I was succumbing....and fast.

When all the praise reports were being expressed I know there had to be some war-torn, battle weary souls in the room like me who were thinking, "But it doesn't always happen that way, does it?" "It sure ain't happenin' that way for me right now!" 

God doesn't always move our mountains is 3 months much less 3 days! (Praise God He does work quickly on occasion and I am rejoicing with those of you who testified of His power and expedience in your lives this week. Hallelujah!)

Sometimes bondage is broken over time. Sometimes God's answer to our prayer is worse than "No"

It's, "Wait"! 

Yikes!  Can I get a witness?

Anyway, I knew I needed to fight back quickly, loudly and with Scripture! I was under attack! I needed to get out of that room and fight The Father of Lies with The Truth!   And it couldn't wait.

I just want to encourage everyone (especially those of us still waiting on the Lord or journeying through our bondage breaking) to trust absolutely in the Presence and Love of God. His Presence is a fact. He IS with us as Believers in Christ. His Presence is unchanging but the EVIDENCE of His Presence is not. Sometimes God chooses to use less evidences of His Presence to grow us and stretch us and it can be downright painful.

That's where I find myself right now and I KNOW some of you are there with me. I've seen your prayer requests and I know you feel God may have "checked out" on you because the answer or relief has seemed slow in coming. But God doesn't always immediately quiet the storm. Often he chooses to allow the storm to rage and wants us to get to know Him on a whole new level.  A level we could never get to if there was always Peace and His Presence was powerfully evident.

There are some things that only grow in the valleys and never on the mountaintops! The vegetation is completely different on the mountain top than it is in the valley and in the life of the Believer those two places serve two distinct purposes and produce totally different fruit.

God often insists on a lengthy or prolonged process of healing/deliverance/freedom because He's looking for a relationship with us. He is pursuing us! He wants the Deliverer to be more precious than the Deliverance! Many times we forget that waiting on God forces desperation for God.  I don't know about you, but when I am desperate I become real willing to listen to whatever God has to say.  I think that's the point!  God considers the lapse of time between slavery and freedom criticial (Ouch!).  He patiently waits for us to be convinced of His faithfulness.  Faithfulness we are sure of.  Sure of....sometimes without current, real-time evidence in our present circumstances.

God's Love and His Presence are facts and they are perfect. Satan wants us to believe that God must not love us much or He'd answer our prayers quicker or deliver us instantly. But nothing could be further from the Truth. The most faithful Believers will be entrusted with trials. (Job, David, Peter, Paul.)

The Word of God uses the phrase "unfailing love" 32 times and not once is it attributed to people. Every single use of the phrase refers to God and God alone. He loves us with an unfailing love and He's the only one who does.

He loves you and He is with you. Reject any thought to the contrary! It's a lie!

"Then Jesus returned from the Jordan full of the Holy Spirit and was led by the Spirit in the wilderness."  (Luke 4:1)   Did you catch that?  Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness.  Nothing about it was accidental or coincidental.  It was a test.  A test to see if Jesus would rely completely and totally on His Father.  As Believers you and I never enter our wilderness without the Spirit.  He IS with us, too.  And there is nothing "off the grid" or haphazard about our entrance there.  It has purpose. 

"Then Jesus returned to Galilee in the power of the Spirit, and news about Him spread throughout the entire vicinity."  (Luke 4:14)  So Jesus was led into the wilderness by the Spirit and full of the Holy Spirit but he returned from the wilderness in the power of the Spirit.  We have the opportunity to exit our wilderness experience in the power of the Spirit if we will rely on God and His Word as our sole sufficiency as Jesus did.

Wield your SWORD!  God's Word is at your disposal!  Use it!

That's what I was doing last night. I fought my enemy and eventually sent him scurrying having been whipped handily by the Word of God (not me). And then the Lord and I wrestled awhile over the spiritual places He has me right now. Of course, I lost that match!  But ultimately I won. Once again (and for the billionth time) I yielded to His absolute but Loving authority and Presence in my life.

I may not be out of the valley but I know He is with me there and I know He loves me perfectly. I hope and pray this has been an encouragement to some of you who are with me in the growing place of the valley right now. I am praying for you and I appreciate your prayers for me. May we be found faithful and more in love with our Jesus than ever when we reach our next mountaintop.

"In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith---of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire---may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed." I Peter 1:6 & 7

"But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions---it is by grace you have been saved." Ephesians 2:4-5

"Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast." Psalm 139:7-10

Pick Me! Pick Me!

Remember grade school P.E. class?  On days the teacher had not prepared anything more productive to do he or she would choose two team captains for some sport--any sport-- and they would begin the process of picking a team, one... at... a... time.   Back and forth they would go until all classmates were chosen.  Now I wasn't very athletic in grade school so I was always picked last.  Didn't matter what game it was.  Didn't matter who the captain was. I was the last one chosen. It was horrible.  Terribly painful.  With each "pick"  I would feel the sting of rejection over and over again and I knew I'd be last.  They didn't want me.  I couldn't kick, run, dribble, steal, slide, throw or catch.  I was last.  Chosen?  Not!

Now this next line is gonna sound contradictory but stick with me.

I had an extremely wonderful childhood and turned out to be a teenager and adult with a great deal of confidence.

"What?" you say!   "How?  But you just said..."

I know.

See, in P.E. things were hard but at home things were great.  I had exceptional parents.  The kind of parents every little girl or boy should have.  They loved me unconditionally and they told me so....often.  My dad, in particular, was highly instrumental in providing me with a strong confidence in who I was.  He hugged me daily.  He told me he loved me every day.  He spent time with me.  He encouraged me.  He gave me lots of "atta girls!"  He told me I was beautiful.  He forgave me when I was wrong.  I knew my daddy would always be there for me.  So, although it would hurt to be the last one chosen to play a sport I knew ultimately that my daddy would choose me on any given day and that I could run home to his open arms and he would wrap me up and make me feel like the most important person in the world.

That was then.  A lifetime ago, right?

What about now?  Well, even now I can still feel that painful "unchosen" jab.  Oh, the grade school thing?  That was nothing compared to the grown up kind of brush off.  No, there are new opportunities to feel the pain of rejection as an adult.  Have you felt it?  A dear friend who suddenly stops returning your calls forever.  A ministry leader who favors another.  A boss who passes you over repeatedly for that promotion.  A sibling or a spouse who choose their needs over yours.  A parent who chooses alcohol or drugs over you.  A child who runs away.  A phone call:  "I'm sorry.  We are unable to use you at this time." 

The cold shoulder.  Dismissal.  Elimination.  Exclusion.  Kick in teeth.  Pass.  Renunciation. Repudiation.  Slap in the face.  Stab in the back.  Punch in the gut. The ol' thumbs down, turndown, veto.....of you.

Don't take it personally?  Are you kidding?  It IS personal.  It's very personal.

I'm married now and live in my own house with my husband and two daughters.  My daddy doesn't live with me anymore.

So what do I do now with life's rejection moments?  Life's unchosen seasons?

Over the last several years I've felt that familiar burn of rejection repeatedly and it began to really devastate me.  I felt valueless and unwanted deep down in my soul.  I wanted to cry out, "Pick me!  Pick me!  Somebody!  Anybody!  Please pick me!"  The feelings of being denied over and over again plagued me and I was losing my confidence at a rapid pace. 

But recently I've been learning what I've been doing wrong in the face of this lack of approval.  I forgot where to run and Who to run to.

I run home to my Daddy. My Abba Father.  No matter who doesn't choose me on any given day I know of Someone who "chose me before the foundation of the world." (Ephesians 1:4)

I AM CHOSEN.  Period.  Chosen by the Creator of the universe!  Chosen!  Me!  Chosen by a Holy and perfect God!  Chosen by the King of Kings and Lord of Lords!  Chosen by His Majesty, King Jesus! 

I don't have to stand on a field or court or stage or at home or work or church or in friendship or any circle anywhere and wonder if I'll be picked last ever again.  God Chose me.  He chose me before the foundation of the world and He continues to chose me every day.  He chose me before I ever chose Him.

When Satan tempts me to feel less than hand-picked I rub his scrawny little nose in this Truth:  "So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn't hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn't gladly and freely do for us? And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God's chosen? Who would dare even to point a finger? "   Romans 8:30 (The Message)

Here are a few more "Chosen" verses for your battle with "Pick me, Pick me syndrome".  Its the only thing that will truly cure.  Run to Daddy.  Run to His Word.

He Chose you!

"For you are a holy people, who belong to the Lord your God. Of all the people on earth, the Lord your God has chosen you to be his own special treasure."
Deuteronomy 7:5-7

"What joy for the nation whose God is the Lord, whose people he has chosen as his inheritance."
Psalm 33:11-13

"...you children of his servant Abraham, you descendants of Jacob, his chosen ones."
Psalm 105:5-7

"I took you from the ends of the earth, from its farthest corners I called you. I said, ‘You are my servant’; I have chosen you and have not rejected you."
Isaiah 41:8-10

"And he will send out his angels with the mighty blast of a trumpet, and they will gather his chosen ones from all over the world —from the farthest ends of the earth and heaven."
Matthew 24:30-32

"You have not chosen Me, but I have chosen you and I have appointed you [I have planted you], that you might go and bear fruit and keep on bearing, and that your fruit may be lasting [that it may remain, abide], so that whatever you ask the Father in My Name [as presenting all that I AM], He may give it to you."
John 15:15-17

“Then he said: ‘The God of our ancestors has chosen you to know his will and to see the Righteous One and to hear words from his mouth."  Acts 22:13-15

"And having chosen them, he called them to come to him. And having called them, he gave them right standing with himself. And having given them right standing, he gave them his glory."  Romans 8:29-31

"So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It's your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it."  Colossians 3:11-13

"But you are the ones chosen by God, chosen for the high calling of priestly work, chosen to be a holy people, God's instruments to do his work and speak out for him, to tell others of the night-and-day difference he made for you—from nothing to something, from rejected to accepted."  1 Peter 2:8-10